Trading a year for a lifetime.

Today marks one year. Seems like yesterday. Seems like a lifetime ago.

In many ways, it will have been a lifetime ago. A lifetime of pain and loss traded for a lifetime of health and happiness. That’s what we pray for.

That’s ultimately what all parents pray for. You want your children to be healthy and happy. There are many potential paths to healthy and happy. The path for our youngest has been, and likely always will be, circuitous, rocky and uphill.

The story of her struggles is hers to tell, not ours. As her parents, we struggle ourselves but have been blessed with fabulous “framily” that cry and pray with us and pour us their wine while we pour out our hearts.

Every now and then, I have opened the aperture and shared a tiny bit of our family’s reality outside of our closest circle. I feel confident that God has encouraged me to share at those times because it often leads to “oh, my friend is having a similar struggle” or “please share with me the name of the people you worked with” or “I wish we would have had access to something like that when my child was young.”

On October 8, 2019, I tricked my daughter into getting on an airplane. I absolutely lied to her because she was being taken to a wilderness therapy program and we were certain she would flee if she knew. She spent 149 days in the Utah desert: sleeping outside, using (and digging) a latrine, cooking over a campfire in pot that she cleaned with sand and spit, and breaking the cycle of destructive behaviors.

After that 149 days and a joyful/tearful/sleeping-outside-in-the-Utah-desert-in-the-winter reunion, we immediately took her to a therapeutic boarding school in Louisiana. In addition to catching up academically, she is working on how to be safe and healthy while she masters her struggles. So today marks one year since she was last home with us.

I share this not to seek feedback about whether we are bad/good parents nor to solicit sympathy. I am “opening the aperture” because I want to start a conversation. We don’t talk about this enough. If she had a physical illness instead of a behavioral illness, I would not have hesitated to ask for treatment recommendations, provider referrals…and prayers.

So now, I AM going to make an ask of you. I would be honored to share how our family found help with any family who could benefit. Please do not hesitate to connect me with anyone in your circle who needs information on resources…or simply encouragement.

Our family is a long way away from feeling like we have overcome these struggles, but I do hope one day to say “I am so grateful we found her this help”… and that she will agree.